The Virtue of non-dilligence

Have been more relaxed lately and enjoying mundanities of life. Sometimes, the thought floated so far away that the mind lost it's senses. The moment of paralysis is simply marvelous. The virtue of dilligence is non-existence. Dilligence is a physical activity, Mental activity is not a physical activity but exercise of the mind.

What is the world without such exercise? The purpose of such exercise is to improve, and how can it be a non-virtue when the purpose is positive? Maybe the mind is too used to the rigidity of what is and what is not. Sadly, changes are required but feared.


Guru Osho wrote of what self-consciousness meant and i felt reassured by it.


Self-Consciousness


When you are self-conscious you are in trouble. When you are
self-conscious you are really showing symptoms that you don't
know who you are. Your very self-consciousness indicates that you
have not come home yet.
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Whenever you are self-conscious you are simply showing that
you are not conscious of the self at all. You don't know who you
are. If you had known, then there would have been no problem---
then you are not seeking opinions. Then you are not worried what
others say about you--- it is irrelevant! In fact, nobody ever says anything
about you--- whenever people say something about you, they are saying
it about themselves.
----------------


Nobody can say anything about you. Whatsoever people say
is about themselves. But you become very shaky, because you are
still clinging to a false center. That false center depends on others,
so you are always looking to what people are saying about you.
And you are always following other people, you are always trying
to satisfy them. You are always trying to be respectable, you are
always trying to decorate your ego. This is suicidal.
Rather than being disturbed by what others say, you should
start looking inside yourself. To know the real self is not so cheap.
But people are always hankering for cheap things.
It happened:


When the pain in Mulla Nasruddin's back became un-
bearable, he reluctantly went to a specialist to diagnose his
problem.
"Well," said the doctor, "your problem can be cured
by an operation, two weeks in the hospital and six months
totally horizontal."
"Doctor, I can't afford the cost of all that!" shouted
Nasruddin.
"Well then, for twenty-five dollars I can retouch the
X ray," suggested the doctor.


This is cheap! ---retouch the X ray--- but it is not going to make
you healthy. That's what we are doing, continuously retouching
the X ray and thinking that somehow the miracle will happen.
When you are decorating your ego you are retouching the X ray.
That is not going to help in any way, it is not going to help you
become healthy. It is cheaper ---no operation is needed, no expense
is involved. But what is the point? Your misery remains.
You become respectable and your misery remains. You be-
come highly praised by the society--- your misery remains. You are
decorated with gold medals but your misery remains. These gold
medals are not going to destroy your misery; they are like retouch-
ing the X ray. All decoration on the ego, for the ego, is nothing
but deceiving yourself. And you go on becoming weaker and
weaker and weaker because the ego goes on becoming weaker
every day. Your body will become weaker, your mind will become
weaker, and by and by the ego that you have created out of the
body and mind combination will become weaker. Fear will become
greater and greater; you will be sitting on a volcano that can any
day explode. It will not allow you rest. It will not allow you relax-
ation, it will not allow you any moments of peace.
Once you understand it then the whole energy is put into
another direction. One has to know oneself. One has not to be
worried about what others say about you.

The day many were washed away by the seaside

A beautiful morning and a disaster struck. Please rest in peace and let's pray together the day peace will reign. God bless.

No Surprises

They say life is full of suprises. What is not surprising is Utama's life for the past few years; leading a monotonous life pursuing a dream, which is unrealistic but necessary in the eyes of the beholder.

Born as a Prince, the obligations are immense. If there wasnt a period for thy to pursue my dreams, then when? Through this trying period, there were many obstacles, potholes, trials and tribulations. Basically, it's a tough time out there fighting a lone battle. The comforts were discovery of treasures and jewels, strengthening the armor for thy battle. Of course, there were good and bad times even in the worst of one's experience.

What is Surprise for? I reckon it's not for the faint-hearted, good or bad ones! HA!

Stress stress stress!!!

Utama is stressed. I have never been so stress in my life. After all, being a royalty allows me to enjoy the finer things of life(which i just realised how fine it is. haha.)

At this moment, i only wish to get over with it but the more i desire, the pressure becomes overbearing. Isnt it such a contradiction? Shouldn't it be the other way round as in feeling motivated?

Supposedly, this is a case of putting the mental to test on it's stress level. Maybe my stress threshold is too low. Hrmmmm...i think it is..

Alright. Probably good to up a few notches of it then!